The profiles have been filled out, the standards and qualifications have been set and now it’s time to weed out the liars and the crazies. For those of you that have stumbled across this blog for the first time, I am embarking on a little online dating experiment, “Searching for Denzel,” which is code name for meeting the perfect man.
The reason I am choosing to search online –instead of the traditional way – is because (if you know me from previous articles from my Relationship GPS column my “traditional” way of doing things have all ended up like a crap game on a Dave Chappelle comedy skit: butt-naked, robbed and left shivering in an alley like “Ashy Larry.”
I always frowned at online dating, but my coworkers convinced me it is a way for busy professionals to meet like-minded “potential” mates.
So, not only am I abandoning my traditional way of searching, I am also abandoning my traditional way of dating – I am no longer going to be “Ms. Available.”
I was raised in a family that caters to men; if you were sick – I would drive half-way across town to feed you soup or bring you a heating pad; if you were lonely – I would wake from a deep sleep to talk to you if you needed me even if I had to go to work early in the morning; and if you were a little light on cash – I would loan you a little gas money to hold you over until pay day. Hmmmm….I wonder how much “IOU” money I have floating around out there. And the mother of all “Ms. Available” mistakes – If your plans fell through and you wanted my time – I would cut whatever I was doing short and rush to be by your side.
No wonder I am still single. No one appreciates a door mat. They are only for wiping your feet on and they always remain OUTSIDE the home. The “WELCOME” that is happily displayed is smudged and dirty. Well, I am too clean for that.
Anyway, I figure it’s time to play a little poker, so I called and got a little advice from some of my friends who always seem to keep the men in line. I always thought they were being too hard, but I realized I was being too soft.
My friend Pleshette says, “I love my own company. I don’t have to have a man around and I make sure they know it. I can sit at a restaurant by myself or sit at the bar by myself, but by the time I leave – I will have met some new friends. I do not feel like I am less than a woman if I don’t have a man on my arms. Too many women can’t stand to be by themselves, so they settle for anything that comes along. I can go where I want, when I want. I am not looking for a father figure to tell me what to do; I have a GREAT relationship with my dad. I am looking for a man to “share,” not “monopolize” my time. I am in charge of my life….and they know I can do it without them.”
Seems like she is on to something here……
My friend Nakita has an “Oh, well” attitude when it comes to relationships. In the 20 years that I’ve known her, I’ve only seen her cry over a man ONE TIME. We were 17 years old, and I had to tell her something heartbreakingly horrible her boyfriend said, and we both cried together. I’ve never seen that happen again. In fact, she got so tough after that; instead of her calling me about men – HER MEN would call ME when they felt she was doing them wrong. One of them would always think she was dating other people – and even though she wasn’t – she would allow him to think so. I would ask her why she was torturing the poor dude. She would simply say, “I’ve got to keep him on his toes. If he’s acting up, I get dressed up and leave the house. It doesn’t hurt you to make him sweat a bit. Women always want to change themselves to be with a man – stop calling their girlfriends – stop hanging out, while he still acts the same way and won’t drop one of “his boyz” for you. Hey, I’m doing me. You have to be yourself and be fine with that. If you lose yourself – guess what – you will eventually lose that man, too anyway.”
And you know what– they always keep coming back for more. I think she has the formula.
Well anyway, I’ve written three articles building up to the big one ….dum, dum, dum…..the first –of what we hope are many – dates in the search for “my Denzel.”
And remember, no details will be left out. I will blog about the notes, the dinners, the looks, the fashions – and you never know – the LOVE.
Let the games begin. Poker face, right?
Don’t forget how it all began:
Click here to read Searching for Denzel Pt. 1: The online dating experiment
Click here to read Searching for Denzel Pt. 2: Goodbye ghosts of boyfriends past
And always, wish me luck! And share your story in the comments section below!
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