Editor’s note:  Lip Service: News with Attitude is pleased to welcome Allan Wesley as a new contributor to our web/ blog site.  His new book, “Who is the man in Your Bed?” is a must read for all women; those who are either currently in a relationship, just getting out of one or looking for love.  For chapter previews or information on how to purchase his new book, visit Wesley’s website.


A word from Allan“Sure, I am a believer in marriage, but given a string of articles and conversations in which advocates of scrapping marriages have boldly proposed that, I felt compelled to share my views on the question. Obviously, such a question has at least, if not all, its origin in the reflection of today’s marriages and society’s views on relationships. We, however, should be careful that the musings of a few does not become the beliefs of many.”

Who’s In Your Bed? 

By Allan Wesley, Author and N.W. A. Contributor

With the growing list of high profile men recently in the news because of infidelity, the question “Who is the man in your bed,” takes on more relevance.

Such a question is always relevant, but more so now as women are being forced to think about that question almost daily.

Sadly, it’s evident that in many instances, the man a woman’s sleeping with is not the man she thinks he is.

How do you know who the man in your bed is and what, if anything, can a woman do to limit being a victim of infidelity?

Let’s start at the beginning; before getting into a relationship with a man, women must take time to get to know him. Too often relationships are rushed.

She must avoid being swept off her feet by his physical appearance, finances or sweet words. His actions are more indicative of the real man he is, rather than his words.

For cunning men, words are cheap and abundant. Therefore, sweet words are not enough.

Avoid getting into bed too quickly; the 90-day rule is a minimum suggested time limit.

During that time, a woman should be researching and doing background checks on the man she’s interested in.  Yes you heard me correctly — background checks are necessary because too often men aren’t whom they claim to be!

Along the way, during the relationship, there are some interesting methods one can use to further determine exactly who is this man you’re about to enter into a relationship with.

Before getting into a relationship, expectations must be set and agreed to by both individuals, and some necessary compromises must be made.

One of the expectations to be clarified should be that of privacy – how it is dealt with, and how it’s defined.

Obviously, in a true relationship, there is no privacy and secrecy. I’ve discovered that many individuals hide behind what I call the “privacy” walls.

Consider the following three rules that allow for infidelity:

  1. There must be another person.
  2. There must be communication with that person.
  3. At some opportune time, there will most likely be physical contact between the two individuals.

Hence, if individuals in a relationship wish to keep anything private involving their phones, e-mails and computers — which are obviously communication methods — then you can appreciate what “privacy” can hide.

Ideally, love and trust should power one through a faithful relationship, but ideals are more of a pursuit than a reality.

What I do know, and what women should know is that life is filled with unpleasant truths and harsh realities.

You may be that loving, faithful, devoted wife or girlfriend thinking that your husband or boyfriend reciprocates likewise; but he’s not.

You may not be aware of this because he enacts a rule that clever men live by —  it’s self-explanatory — and that is “a happy wife, a happy life.”

The best defense against being a victim of infidelity is knowledge. Women need to know what these tricks are, because unfortunately, men don’t play by the rules.

Love, a man’s good treatment of you or great sex should not cloud logic or suspicious activity on your man’s behalf.

Sure, you must trust him because without trust there is no relationship; but at the same time don’t be naive.

As always, we feel that sometimes music can help “tell the tale,”

check out Tamia’s “Stranger in my House,” courtesy of Youtube


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