I was the baby, and I was the “good one,” and she made me feel special every time we were alone together. My paternal grandmother Lillie Bell McCann was a devout church servant, and kept us grandkids in Sunday school, Vacation Bible School, church holiday programs and anything else we could be involved in. It was not up for debate, it was not thought about, it was simply what was done, and a requirement I enjoyed. In fact, I believe my love for public speaking came about after the many Christmas, Black History and Easter speeches I performed at Mt. Corinth Baptist Church. In short, I owe a big part of who I am today to this amazing woman.
When I saw a CNN article entitled “The ‘grandparent deficit’ for older parents,” I read it and felt such a sadness for today’s generation who won’t get to share the memories those in my generation were blessed with.
It is often joked that many grandmothers these days are TOO YOUNG and not “grandmother material,” as they wear revealing clothes and twerk more in the club than the young folks, then there are those children whose parents waited so long in life to have them, that their grandparents are often TOO OLD to be an active part in their lives. The article focuses on those older grandparents, and after reading it, I was saddened.
The author explained that she did not give birth to her children until age 39, and estimated that if her children waited as long as she did to have their own, she will be a whopping 78 years old when she becomes a grandmother.
She reflected and asked herself,” Will I be able to be the Nana I hope to be, have close relationships with my grandchildren and watch them so my daughters can devote more time to their careers, or will my girls need to be taking care of me in addition to their own children?”
The author says women and men can’t choose when they fall in love and plan every aspect of their lives, including when and how they will have children. In addition, many other women and men also never really factor in the impact of grandparents primarily being people who need care as opposed to being caregivers themselves.
“We didn’t think, ‘Oh, I’ll be running around taking my 6-year-old to play dates and meeting with my dad’s hospice nurse simultaneously,'” Susanna Schrobsdorff said during an interview.
That is something we all need to think about.
I gave birth to my son at age 29, and my daughter a few years later, and while they have my 62-year-old vibrant mother to give them grandmotherly guidance from the maternal side, they have no grandparents on their father’s side. I was with a much-older man who was already in his 40s when our first child was born. Today, he is often mistook for their grandparent instead of their father. Sadly, his father died a decade before my children were born and his mother died when my son was only 8 months old, so my children never met their paternal grandparents.
I was blessed to enjoy my grandparents and great-grandparents, but all of them have died. I was lucky enough to have both of my grandmothers with me until my adulthood, but it hurts that my children have no great-grandparents. I never thought about that before I became a mother.
I buried my paternal grandmother on August 16, 2014 (my big sister’s birthday) and not too many days have gone by since that I have not thought about her.
Particularly the funny..and fond…memories that I have left behind and share with my children. Traditions that I now pass on to my kids, especially the “secret ones.”
Sometimes when it would be just the two of us riding around, when the older kids refused to come with us, my grandma Lillie Bell and I would stop at a little country food store in Fresno, Texas and buy barbecue beef sandwiches. We would eat them in her truck before we went into the house and threw all the packaging away, then wiped our greasy mouths and would quietly walk into the house not telling a soul that we had just chowed-down! It was our secret.
I told my daughter about those secret excursions with my grandmother and now, after dropping her older brother and my nephew off at sporting events or practices, we secretly go and get us something to eat, then wink and smile when the boys get into the car and say “I’m hungry!” They look at us and ask “What’s that smell,” but my daughter and my lips stay zipped! I take pride in doing things with her that my grandmother did with me, and I hope that my mother and father establish some “secret” relationships with my children so they, too, can have fond grandparent memories.
But we live in different times now.
Another fond memory is with my paternal grandfather, James L. McCann, and I cherish it so much, but have never spoken of it publicly.
I was baptized at Mt. Corinth church when I was in grade school and my grandfather was a deacon at the church. I remember getting into the water and it was so cold, and I reached out for my grandfather who was in the water with me and the pastor. He touched my forehead with the pastor as they prayed over me and I never took my eyes off of my grandfather as the pastor dunked me under the water. When I came up, I reached for my grandfather again and he hugged me and carried me out of the water. He died a few years later.
My grandmother told us he said “Lillie, I hear the waters running,” the day before he passed away. She said he was referring to the Biblical Jordan river, or the “River Jordan” as us country folk say. “The water” became something symbolic for me. I joined a different church later on in life, and after our pastor died, I have recently found my third church home. But anytime they offer Baptism, I decline. My dearly-departed grandfather was in the water with me long ago as they “washed my sins away,” and I never want that memory to wash away.
Those are the lasting memories that can be made when children are allowed to connect with grandparents who are old enough to be wise, but young enough to be active. And I think we all need to take that into consideration when planning our ultra busy, overly-planned and meticulously-coordinated lives and careers. What about what really matters? Grandparents. We need to love and enjoy them while we have the chance.
These are just a few of the cute grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Ms. Lillie Bell McCann..and yes, she had the opportunity to enjoy them all.
And since my grandma is no longer here to yell at me for telling a family secret, I MUST tell you the funny thing that she did that I caught myself doing recently. My grandma had a round belly and little bitty legs, and every Sunday, she would have all of us kids hemming and hawing as we helped her pull her girdle up before church! Would you believe, I had my own children doing the same thing with me as I found myself panting and breathing hard as I wiggled into a Spanx (the girdle of the new generation) but had to laugh to myself as I realized I was turning into my beloved grandma. And no, boys in the family are not off-limits when it comes to helping us women squeeze into those slimming garments. I am sure I traumatized my son and nephew like my grandma traumatized my brother and other male cousins. Oh well, beauty duty calls!
Tight girdles and barbecue beef sandwiches are my memories, what are yours? Now, go out and have some babies while your parents are still young enough to be wiggling, giggling grandparents!
