Editor’s note: A communications project for my Master Digital Media class required me to recite a poem. I recited a poem I wrote when I was in my teens and, WOW, I realized how I let little things with boyfriends really get me down back then. What do I say today? “Get over it girlfriend, life goes on!” Hope you enjoy!
By: Nakia L. Cooper (written in the early 90s)
If you could look into my eyes
I doubt there are things you’ll see.
All my troubles drowned with cries
And dark secrets hidden beneath
A lonely, trembling child of fears
That’s stricken down with grief
Eyes once burned so red with tears
My heart, a crimson reef
For what my future holds in strife
Loneliness is all I see
Darkness has crept upon my life
And “Shadowed” all of me.
WOW.. talk about a “that was then, this is now” moment for ya! What in the fuck was I talking about?
When I wrote that dark, depressing poem, I was just that — dark and depressed. I was 17 years old and thought the world was against me.
The object of my affection — being my young loser lover of a boyfriend — was not “really” paying me the attention that I liked. And who could blame him? He was young, too, and this world “full of girls” was his oyster.
We broke up every other week and I cried enough tears that I thought could last me a lifetime.
Wrong, wrong… there is always time for more teams when it comes to being “young and in love.”
Add to the love issues — the random self-esteem woes that any coming of age girl experiences by way of “bad hair days,” flat bottoms in a big booty society (’cause baby had NO BACK at all back in the day) and the occasional fall outs with back-stabbing besties, you have the makings of a “shadowed” poem.
Baby girls, it wasn’t that serious then and it damn sure isn’t that serious now!
We just think that the end of the world is always falling down around us when it comes to those impressionable teenage years.
Those teenage years, marred with low self-esteem, crashed full speed ahead into my 20s, where I was a reckless young woman struggling to find her way. And yes, I was still having the “blues” when it came to love.
I ended up in an abusive marriage, and after shelling out every dime I had to get out of it, I ended up a broke, single woman who gained something money couldn’t buy. I gained awareness and, more importantly, self love. Love I found when I got that “unconditional” love one is blessed with when becoming a mother.
I did not really learn to accept myself or “find” myself until I was in my early 30s, and life has been on one sky-is-the-limit rocket launch since. I am a working mother of two who uses my past experiences to help me navigate this tough world of Corporate America, and I honestly feel there is nothing I can’t do.
I am a multi-award winning media professional — well actually, I am the first African American woman ever to manage a web department at a Houston television news station (diva snaps) — and I am the co-founder of an organization, Sister 2 Sistah, a mentorship program for young college women. (Disclaimer — I may be the only mentor in town who drops the F-bomb in inspirational talks..lol)
And I am now proudly seeking my Master in Digital Media — which is the reason for this piece / assignment today.. (cough, cough).. did I get an “A”?
And when it comes to that thing called love…. well, honey, that is still one heck of a roller coaster ride. I have not found my true soul mate as of yet, but I don’t get down anymore when things don’t work out with a “love interest” like I did when I was the teen who wrote that dismal poem back in the day.
I LOVE love… I love passion and I love the adventures that come with it all.
I’ve learned to embrace the setbacks and attribute the ups and downs with life lessons, not personal failures.
I do my best to teach other young women the same, but we all have to go through our own individual growing pains.
Love…wait for it
Dreams…stay on the chase
“It is better to have loved and lost…..” oh hell, you get the gist of it…. Just pick your damn head up and live a little!